This might sound funny but the promise of intimacy is generally a big motivator for men. Answer: It sounds like he has gotten very comfortable with himself. See if you can be intimate with him soon and on a more regular basis. You will want to ensure that you will be physically intimate with the man you marry. Think about what your husband's most attractive quality is to you (it could be his strength, his ability to take care of you, or something that isn't necessarily physical) and focus on it. Finally, note that no one is ever going to be the perfect partner. Hang in there and think positive about your situation versus others. If you can insert some of your own mental excitement into it that would be helpful. Despite trying all these we have seen them getting divorced . After giving birth my sex drive changed dramatically and I’ve been depressed. He has been 100+ lbs. It sounds like this man has a lot of good traits. For example, is he a good worker? Love and physical attraction are sometimes not felt towards the same person. Question: I'm thirty-two and have felt depressed forever. I don't know what to do. Similarly many men have gruff personalities, especially when it comes to disagreements. Not being sexually attracted to your husband is a more prevalent problem than you may think. If you find that most things about your husband are good and decent, and you are able to get what you need from your marriage overall, then you might consider letting this go. Women are more gifted with social graces in communication. Answer: My advice is not to tell him this because most people would feel unwanted or have another reaction, like feeling betrayed. (P.S. Hearts and Lattes (author) on March 21, 2020: Since this issue is multi-faceted and involves many people, I suggest therapy sessions for you and your husband. I would look to see if your husband does other things right. He does care about you deeply, and he is most likely just as concerned as you are about the lack of attraction you feel for him. don't let shaiytan ruin your family now. I harbor this idea. Answer: I am not going to judge you though I do believe it is wrong. The important thing to consider is what you can do to remedy those issues. Perhaps they were never attracted to them, to begin with, or perhaps over time they became less and less attracted. There are certain expectations that go with being married to someone else, and one of those is centered around the notion of intimacy. Good luck! Two people in a marriage are constantly evolving. If the topic is important, however, you can lay out concrete reasons why he might go with a decision you want to make. Answer: Yes, many of the same techniques would apply to men as well. Your husband is your partner, not your property. The power of touch. I would get myself worked up at times when I knew he would want to make love. First two months were good. You can also focus on your favorite body part of your partner and go from there. During the start of the relationship I was happy with the physical relationship we had however it slowly died down. Also I advise you to get out more from the house or take up an activity to keep yourself busy. What am I supposed to do with this? Question: I really care for my husband, but lately, I don't want him touching me. I have been married for more than two years now I feel so frustrated and confused I can't seem to develop any feelings for my husband while he's a great guy. I have recently met a man that checks every box that I could have ever thought of. I asked him time and suggested that we can be like friends for some time and let's start slowly. FYI: I am fit and I dress nice and I also always treat her with love and respect. If there are already issues in your marriage, the fact that he is not handsome may bother you more then it would, if your marriage was happy, please take some time to consider this deeply, you may find that working on your marriage, causes you to see past the issue at hand.... or that it effects you to a lesser degree. Many wives and husbands go through phases like this, but it is best to find a way to be intimate still. But now, seven months later, I'm feeling empty and void. Not Attracted to Your Husband? Question: My wife and I have been married for 14 years and we have 4 kids. There are plenty of reasons why you may not be attracted to your husband. However, my future is with my husband. I wish he was the type of person that would be accepting of an "open relationship." Salam alaikum, i do understand where you are coming from. Whatever you do, please stick to your guns about not sleeping with anyone else while you're married. So after engagement i asked my parents to call the marriage off. My question to you is does she respond to your initiation of lovemaking? This has always been true for twenty years. Do I go on sub-happy and unfulfilled? Am I wrong for divorcing my violent wife? After we got married my husband found some texts from my past and said very hurtful things. Spontaneity didn’t work, because it didn’t allow me time for fantasization. You are a worthwhile individual no matter what another person thinks. I want to have sex with him SO badly, but am adamant about being good and faithful. When one also does not feel emotionally attached to their partner would there still be a chance to work things out? Introduction, meet, talk with him, if I feel good about him it can continue to chats after that...if I feel he's the right person then it can continue to marriage. This year, I start working in a city far away from home, and I figure that in a few years if I don't find anyone to marry my parents will most likely interfere by trying to "help" me finding suitors; spreading my achievements, pics and profiles to their friends and our relatives in hope of men coming to them for me. Best way is to follow basic rules properly and leave it to Allah .There is n guaranty for any thing in this world . We’ve been together for 4 years, I used to be very sexually attracted to him but now I am not, and I don’t want to have sex with him at all. By Umm Ayoob. Answer: You are likely to be sexually attracted to different people your whole life, simply because it's natural. Let me start by saying that love is a verb. If you find yourself less physically attracted to your partner because … There must be other women out there in the same situation, right? We do have fun together and enjoy spending time with one another (when we aren't arguing of course). Why do we continue with arranged marriage, when some people just aren't compatible and we are making our loved ones depressed. If there is a way you can channel that energy into your bedroom with your husband that would be ideal. "Abandonment of Affection" means that one spouse has left the other spouse in the cold in the bedroom. She is sometimes “in the mood” and lets me know, but I never feel any passion from her and it’s usually me who initiates. We always think the grass is greener on the other side. Then the Prophet said to Thabit, "O Thabit! Believe me sister, you need to look your husband from different angle. Whatever decision you take, weigh all matters carefully. Do you know or can you find out what else is a motivator for him? But he is not satisfied of what I do. Question: I've been with my partner nine years and I love him very much, but I've had no sex drive for nearly four years now. There are many men and women married to people who are close to ideal spouses but they lack the physical attraction. This should satisfy him as well. But a few short years into our marriage, I couldn’t remember anything I liked about him. Answer: Your sex drive/depression might change on its own again as our hormones are always changing. Most men are more blunt and direct in their speech than women are. i feel like it can be fix with time but he has no patience. If they don't do this then they probably undress women in public with their eyes even when their girlfriends or wives are with them anyway. He says that it's not enough. I recommend marital counseling if you seek real help with this issue. Answer: I heard a good piece of advice a long time ago. Answer: It is easy to get disillusioned when you are married. I feel your pain and I’m going through the exact same thing you are and I’ve only been married 6 years (together for 13 years) I love my husband but have never been sexually attracted to him and it’s just gotten worse over time, no matter what we try. Your actually searching for something that's not there or will ever be. Tell him how you feel and see how he reacts and if he even takes your problem seriously. I think it was over a year before he brought me to climax. I am in an intimacy-starved marriage with my Muslim husband and have stayed in the marriage for 10 years. I had hoped the sexual attraction would grow over the years, but it has not. What can I do? Now with the lack of intimacy and closeness, I really find him unattractive. But my mom also told me that "love can be made along the way", implying I marry someone I'm not attracted with (both emotionally or physically). He always blames me. Question: What if I am sexually attracted to someone other than my husband? I would get myself excited, but as soon as he would start something, my body would turn off. It's been forced upon you. Does he look out for your interests overall? A small trick some people also do is to let the other person "go." Women in their late 30s and beyond can start to have lubrication problems and soreness. Your feelings about your situation are also understandable. Just as an FYI, I have anxiety issues too, and I also have a problem with where we live. That is perfectly normal. And Allah has given us halal means of feeling both the love of the heart and the physical love. His attitude is normal towards me, not very caring, not bad. Temptation is everywhere for our whole lives. Sometimes this will pique a partner's interest to where they will be a little afraid of losing you or not keeping you happy. But the other areas can be lacking, which is how the years have sometimes transpired for you. 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